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Let's face it. Although most of us are not total barbarians, we don't live our lives with the poise and protocol of Queen Victoria's age. However, when we are planning on inviting guests to a party, announcing something as important as the birth of a child or spreading the news of corporate triumphs, it might be a good idea to raise the bar a little bit. For example, even though you usually refer to your over-the-fence neighbor as "Bob" or "Big Bob of the Barbeque," when you are inviting him to your parents' anniversary party, it will be much more impressive to address him as "Mr. Robert Smith." In essence, Bob might be a chips and soda kind of guy, but he still deserves champagne treatment.

So how do you invite and announce like an aristocrat when you're a common Joe at heart? We'll show you how in PapyrusCustomPrinting.com's "Etiquette with Attitude." Read through the Q&A's listed below to find an answer to a specific question, or skim quick advice snippets scattered throughout the site. "Etiquette with Attitude" presents highbrow rules for writing and inviting in a lowbrow format that we can all use and understand.

General Event Questions

How soon before an event should I send out invitations?

This completely depends on the type of event you are having. There are two main factors at play. The first is: Where does everyone live? If guests have to fly in for your baby shower, you ought to give them at least six weeks to prepare. However, if you are having a cocktail party in the office and the furthest anyone has to travel is from their desk to the conference room, two weeks is sufficient. Formality is the second issue. A very scheduled affair like a wedding requires that people arrive at a certain time and usually purchase a gift. Out of courtesy, therefore, you should give your guests between five and eight weeks of notice. A more random occasion like an all-day open house allows for flexibility, and the invitation need not be sent more than three to four weeks prior to the event. If you're not sure when to send the invitation, think about how much notice you would like to have if you were the guest.

Who gets a graduation, engagement or wedding announcement?

It's always difficult to cut down the invitation list for a family affair. Sometimes, there are people who can't be included on that day, but you still want them to hear the news. This is where announcements are helpful. Announcements say very tactfully, "We're sorry that you can't be with us, but we still care about you." Announcements are great for events with limited capacity, like graduation ceremonies. However, if at all possible, always err on the side of caution and invite guests who might be offended if they are left out.

What's the deal with my return address? Where does it go and what do I write?

Well, the snooty answer would be that where it goes and what you write depends completely on where you live... but we at PapyrusCustomPrinting.com are NEVER snooty. This is the straight up answer:

Return addresses are printed on the back flap of the envelope. They are traditionally centered in the back flap and can be printed in the same color ink that you are using for the invitation, announcement or stationery. It looks classiest if you only include your address and not your name. Be sure to add in your apartment or floor number if you live in a building with many units.

I've noticed that you sell traditional calling cards. Do people still use them?

Calling cards have been around since the sixteenth century. They were traditionally used when one paid a visit to a friend or acquaintance. Since the advent of modern communications technology, the use of calling cards has declined. In some circles, such as the military, calling cards are still used for their original purpose. However, it is now more common to use the cards as gift enclosures.

We recently had a death in our family. We were very comforted by the outpouring of support by friends, but, responding to all the sympathy cards seems like an additional burden. When is it appropriate to send out sympathy acknowledgement cards?

When dealing with a loss, writing sympathy acknowledgements is often the last thing anyone wants to tackle. Printed cards may be used when you have a large number to send. Traditionally, sympathy acknowledgements are handwritten, so you might take the time to add a note of thanks or a personal message to close friends.

Baby and Child Dilemmas

Yikes! I'm stressed enough with being a mom-to-be, do I have to think about birth announcements too?

Unfortunately, though you might kiss that little face every day, not all of your friends and relatives will spend quality time with your baby. Birth announcements are an easy way to keep them in the loop. While you are waiting for that bundle (or two) of joy to arrive, you can pick out the announcements you like best and start customizing them. Save your work, and when the baby arrives, just fill in the name and measurements. Click order and the announcements will be on their way in no time. It's simple!

We've adopted a child. Is it appropriate to send out announcements?

It is always appropriate to announce the arrival of an eagerly awaited child. Many birth announcements are easily converted to adoption announcements. They often include both the "birth" date and the "arrived" date. If the adoption is of an older child, you may also wish to include the name change as part of the announcement.

My parents complain that my son never sends them thank-you notes. What are some guidelines for thank-you notes and how can I get my child to write them?

Kids often consider writing thank-you notes a chore because they don't know what to write. Thank-you notes don't have to be long letters. They should consist of a greeting, a mention of how much they liked the item (which should be specifically mentioned) and a note of how they will use it. Children will also earn brownie points if they promise to call or visit soon. You can help your kids out by writing a template for them to follow. Young children may become more interested in writing notes if they have personalized stationery and their own stamps and address book, like a grown up. They might also like to personalize the thank-you note with a drawing.

Walking Down the Aisle

Ordering wedding invitations is more confusing than finding a mate! Can you explain to me what all of the parts are and how you put them together?

Wedding invitations have five basic parts and several add-on accessories:

The Basic Five:

Outer envelope:
Handwrite or employ a calligrapher to write each guest's formal name and address on the outside of these envelopes. PapyrusCustomPrinting.com encourages you to have the envelope flaps printed with your return address to help you avoid any mailing mishaps. Watch your postage — it is a good idea to stuff a sample invitation and have it weighed at the post office before you put on a stamp. Almost all wedding invitations require additional postage. After spending so much time and effort choosing and customizing your invitations, you want to be sure they arrive at their intended destination on time.

Inner envelope:
Way back when, postal workers traveled a great distance to bring messages from place to place and outer envelopes got destroyed by the elements along the way. Therefore, every invitation had an inner envelope that would stay pristine, even if the mailman had traversed the world on a camel. Today, the inner envelope has a slightly different purpose. It is used to help the guest know exactly who is invited. For instance, if you're sending an invitation to James and Jane Smith who have five children, you would print the couple's name and their address on the outer envelope and then print Mr. and Mrs. James Smith followed by each child's name on the inner envelope. You do not write the address on the inner envelope, only the names of the guests you are inviting.

Invitation:
The invitation and all of its pieces go inside the inner envelope, which is left folded but unsealed inside the outer envelope. The invitation is the biggest piece, so it goes in first and all other pieces are either folded inside the invitation (if it is a fold-over card) or placed on top of the invitation (if it is a single card.) When everything is put together, it makes a neat and orderly package.

Reply or response card:
If it weren't for response cards, we would all be ordering way too many poached salmon dinners! The response card gives your guests a no-effort-needed way to tell you if they are planning on attending or not. A typical response card has a blank for the guest's name and allows him/her to indicate if they are coming. The card may also come with an addressed return envelope that should be stamped as a courtesy to the invitee. Variations include space for personal notes and blanks for guests to choose their meal.

Reception card:
If your ceremony and reception are at different locations, be sure to include a reception card with your invitation. This card is approximately the size of the reply card and lists the name and the address of the reception site.

Wedding Invitation Accessories:

Directional:
If you are getting married in Peoria and your cousins are flying in from Eugene, chances are they are not going to know their way around. To avoid getting frantic calls from the road, send all of your guests written out directions. Remember that guests may also need instructions for how to find the hotel, directions from the ceremony to the reception and suggestions for what airport to use and where to rent a car.

Wedding announcements:
Like graduation announcements, wedding announcements are typically sent to guests that could not or did not attend the ceremony for one reason or another. The announcements are mailed immediately after the wedding. They are typically a small printed card that merely states the couple's names, the wedding location and the wedding date.

Engagement announcements:
It is getting more and more common for couples to have long engagements. Engagement announcements act like a "save the date" card (described below). They inform your guests of the wedding date and location so that everyone can mark their calendars. An engagement announcement is traditionally a small or medium sized card.

Save the date cards:
Like engagement announcements, save the date cards tell your guests that your wedding is going to take place sometime in the future. Save the dates often include the hotel name and transportation information for out-of-town guests. Depending on the quantity of the information, save the dates can either be a small card or a folded note.

At home cards:
An at home card is a formal way of letting friends and family know where the new couple is going to live. At home cards are either sent with the invitations or with the announcements and state the couple's names, their address and the effective date of that address.

Pew cards or within the ribbon cards:
Since you can't be everywhere at once during your wedding, you might want a way to help your ushers identify honored guests. Pew cards or within the ribbon cards state that a guest should be seated in one of the first pews or within a corded off section.

Informals/Thank-you notes:
Every couple needs a set of simple (but elegant) cards on which to write gift acknowledgements. PapyrusCustomPrinting.com has informals that match wedding invitations and ones that stand alone. The bride and groom can decide if they want the informals to be imprinted with their first names, or include their complete married name.

Place cards:
Place cards provide a painless way to help your guests find their table at the reception. The cards also help ensure that your guests are seated with friends and family and that nobody is left out.

I know I'm engaged, but am I a fiancé or a fiancée?

We know, it's much easier to spell girlfriend and boyfriend, but that's no reason to call it all off. You are a fiancée if you are a woman and a fiancé if you are a man.

What do I write on a response card? Can you share some tricks of the trade?

One would think that something so small would be a no-brainer, but it actually has several variations. PapyrusCustomPrinting.com will offer you a choice of wordings once you are in the ordering process, but here's a general synopsis.

In olden times, people never sent response cards. Guests got their invitation and used personal stationery to write acceptance notes. Today, we make it easier for our guests. We send a card with a stamped envelope, addressed back to ourselves, making it as simple as possible for the guest to respond. The card typically has a blank for the guest's name and blanks for whether he/she will attend or will regretfully decline. However, you may want to get more specifics, such as how many people from each family are attending and what they would like to eat. Most response cards are fold over notes so that your guest can write you a personal message if they desire. You may or may not include your return address on the back flap of the response card envelope — that's up to you. But you must include the send to address to be sure to get all of your notes back.

One trick that many people use with response cards is a numbering system. They number their guest list before sending out invitations and then write the corresponding numbers on the back of the response cards. Therefore, if they get a response card with no name on it, they know exactly who sent it. PapyrusCustomPrinting.com suggests that if you are going to use this method, you write lightly in pencil to keep it discreet.

How do invitations work for a commitment ceremony?

The real question that you are asking here is not how invitations work for a commitment ceremony but how invitations work for YOUR commitment ceremony. Since commitment ceremonies are inherently personal, invitation selections differ based on taste. Some couples use plain ecru and white invitations that could also be used for traditional weddings. Some couples like to incorporate little touches of things that are meaningful to them. For example, if you live by the sea, you might want to choose an invitation with a seashell motif.

How big the commitment ceremony is going to be is also an issue. If it is a very small affair, you might be better off with an RSVP line than a response card. If it is a larger ceremony, you will definitely need response cards and you might need reception cards as well. Most of all, be sure to order informals or thank-you notes with both of your names on them for gift acknowledgements.

Take note that PapyrusCustomPrinting.com believes that many invitations serve multiple purposes. So even if an invitation looks like it is set up for a heterosexual wedding ceremony, don't write it off — it could look perfect once your names are on it. If you would like to look through the etiquette for traditional wedding invitations to see which parts you want to include, click here.